Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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