We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish you could order shots online.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize