I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
