i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
