at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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