I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
