Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
