Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize