So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
