hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize