K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
