I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
