thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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