look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
