so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
