im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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