Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize