i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
