I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
