i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
