I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize