guys are only as good as the porn they watch
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
