someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
