New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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