I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
