why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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