My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
