Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
