it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
