That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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