biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
