for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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