So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
