Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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