someone threw a dead crab at me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
