omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
