Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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