my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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