What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
