I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
