Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
