I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
