Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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