yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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