This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I could make wine with my vomit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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