I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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