he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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