Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
