The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
