smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you bring me the toilet please
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
