either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
