If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
