Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
