seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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