I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
