If that was your dad, he is hot
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
