I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
