I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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