She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
