Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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