Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
