He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
