its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize